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Why am I not me?
20. June 2018 at 19:51
by Mahmoud Fakhry
Have you ever felt that you have no feelings, that you are alone, that you do not exist, that you are fed up with everything, disappointed or depressed? Have you ever felt that you wish to die? This talk could be a little creepy or not usual to be written but it’s okay if you felt any of these before, you are a normal person but living in non-normal life and society that drives you to be no feelings person. But why we have reached to this point, why we are who we are now?
Why all of that?
I ask myself many times maybe every day why all of that, why I am feeling as a less person. I can’t even remember how many times I do this. Sometimes I hate myself because I had reached to this point but after a deep thinking, I noticed that it’s not me that is responsible for who am I right now. From the moment you are born you don’t take any decisions on your own. In the beginning your parents decides almost everything instead of you and this is not bad at this period of your age because you don’t have enough awareness maybe any of it so, it’s okay in this time that your parents take your decisions as there is no one going to love you as your parents. And when you grew a little and you became aware of what’s going around you and since you have awareness even if it was little one you should be able to take some of your decisions and to express your feelings but when you take your first steps deciding for your own decisions or feelings you found yourself restricted to the rules, guidelines, customs, and traditions and it’s not a big problem to follow the rules, actually it’s something you should do and to be honest all of the above is not the problem.

Now you must be wondering if all of these weren’t the problem so where is the problem, okay the problem is little farther, for me it starts when you became 18 because when you became 18 the country gives you more terms of reference even you feel freer but at this moment you found yourself distracted another time to the rules, guidelines, customs, and traditions. Now you finally had reached the problem and the result of all of the above, the problem is that these obstacles are not there anymore and the problem became that you had got used to them and you can’t give them up, they are attached to you, you have spent your previous being taught that you must stick to the plan and follow the rules, customs etc. and by the time they became stuck to you and the problem that you weren’t taught how to follow the rules but with your own style you weren’t taught to be the real you. You don’t have to break the rules to be the real you but you shouldn’t follow them as you were taught without even asking yourself why I am doing this, what does it worth, are you just doing this because you were raised on this concept if the answer was yes so don’t wonder that you became a traditional person and ordinary one.

After a while when you can’t give these things up and you start to work maybe a job you don’t like, at this point, you are living other’s dream and feeling his feelings, not yours. This person that followed the rules and expressed his feelings on his style, said his own opinion and lived his own life not other one’s life at this point you became feeling less, opinion less you found yourself not able to express his feelings because you don’t know what your real feelings are anymore, what are your dreams, you don’t know how you are. You found that you are a just living person who works a job he doesn’t like to make others dream true, it’s okay to help others to reach their dream but you don’t have a dream anymore for yourself to reach. You are standing in life’s line looking at your years running without accomplishing anything to be mentioned, please stop living others life.

Never give up
Its never to late to begin to know who is the real you, you can use the rules, customs and traditions to be something useful for you to give you a push not to delay you, start living your life, your dream. Start being you and remember that its never to late, you will live only one time so please get the best usage of your life, do something that you be proud of and the moment you fail is only the moment that you stop trying. Try to express your feelings, take some of your decisions and don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t or that you are not adult enough to be the real you. Don’t let anyone kill your dreams because your dreams are you, your feelings, aims, goals, and hope and when they are killed you will be killed too. Enjoy your life and never give up.
Cite This Article As: Mahmoud Fakhry. "Why am I not me?." International Youth Journal, 20. June 2018.

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